Turkey Boy
by irpirate
Summary: Between having troublesome friends, a psychotic boss, and sketchy customers, Riku can't help but feel that his dysfunctional life gets even more problematic when you throw in a Turkey boy... Riku should have known it was more than just a sandwich. SR


**The shits yo.**

Disclaimer: I do not own anythinnnnngg. Except for the story line… I think.

Warnings!!1!one!: Lame humor. Lots of random stuff. Uncreative names. 1337 Gadgets. Crack. Homosexual relationship(s). Cid. Bad words. More crack. Balls. LOL.

(OH. And I'd like to thank you so very much Senpai for beta-ing this and dealing with my ridiculous ideas! Best friends forever!!!1LOL.)

* * *

**Turkey Boy**

_Chapter 01: What's in a smile?_

-:-:-

Everyone has a story.

A story to be told. To be shared. To be just known.

It may be one filled with utter happiness and fluff, the _perfect_ story to be shared along with your loved ones. The one that shows great perseverance and that _love_ conquers all!

…or it could be the polar opposite, one filled with pain, suffering, and teenage angst. The one that _should not_ be told during a family dinner with your 2 nieces and nephew, barely over the age of seven and three-quarters, and your old Aunt Gertrude present. God bless her soul…

The fact of the matter is, ladies and gentlemen, that there are _way_ too many freaking stories in this entire world and beyond that documenting _each _and _every_ story in excruciating detail is highly impossible.

Just take a look…

Among the bustling crossroads of 13th District and Never Lane, lay many specialized shops. The Radiant Tavern, a very popular hang out for bums and drunks, sobbing their pathetic story of how their _beloved_ kicked them out for getting fired/ cheating/ always being drunk/ insert very random shit here… but there was always— words cannot just describe— _always _a _kind_ and lovely woman who _constantly_ listened to their troubles and seemed to wash them away with her motherly affection…

And maybe a few shots of heavy alcohol. But nonetheless, they felt good afterwards!

Minus the hangover that is.

Oh, and just a few blocks down was another popular place, especially to the coffee goers (best coffee on the block), _The Café That Never Was_. It was usually packed, even during the day. Everything on their menu was delicious and the service was excellent. The owner— a very interesting sort of man— was unusually chatty and told his customers of his _wonderful_ outlooks on life. Some would find it odd and disturbing, but hey, caffeine and entertainment, sounds like a good deal, right?

And just across from there sat another café, a different sort of one though.

_Café There_.

It looked cozy and hospitable and yet, it was completely empty save for a man hunched over the counter.

Said man looked to be in _deep_ concentration.

Perspiration began to accumulate on his forehead, glistening from the rays of light that refracted through the glass windows up ahead. His brows furrowed in focus. A pair of sea-green eyes narrowed into fine slits, the intensity of the situation so overwhelming. His faint pink lips slightly parted as his tongue darted out to wet those luscious lips once. His breath slow and deep trying to regulate the rapidly increasing beat of his heart.

A bead of sweat rolled down his cheek to the tip of his chin— leaving its wet trail along porcelain skin— dropping onto the marbled countertop into masses of tiny particles. Pieces of stray silver locks stuck to his sweat soaked skin giving him an amorous appearance. He let out an audible gulp and moved on forward, but paused at once, feeling a bit weak-kneed.

No.

He would not let this stop him, nor the fact that he was trying ridiculously hard to stop the tremors that were passing through his hands. He started again, holding in his breath.

He was… in the _zone_.

Now, it may seem to the untrained eye that this silver-haired man was, indeed, placing a taste tester cup upside down upon a heap of other cups much like itself.

Well, you are very much _wrong_.

Riku straightened up, a satisfied look spread across his handsome features. He perched his right hand on his hip while using the back of his other hand to wipe off the sweat on his forehead, then brushed the stray bits of hair that had decided to obscure his view.

"Why is it so hot..?" he said to no one in particular since _obviously_ he was the only one there at the moment.

It was absurd. He was _sweating_ and it was freaking the beginning of _winter_. It's, like, already freezing icicles outside…well, maybe a tad exaggerated but it was cold nonetheless.

Riku then remembered one very _vital_ factor.

He worked for one of the weirdest men in the entire 13th District block who liked it a very uncomfortable amount of hot in his café which served _cold beverages_.

'_Right_.'

That thought was quickly pushed aside as he stood upon a stool, overlooking his fine specimen of… _art_.

You see, to the _trained eye_ (such as the one that belonged to the awesome Riku Akemi right here) one would be looking at an _exact_ replica of one of the great pyramids at Giza.

So Riku liked to believe.

It wasn't exactly done; it had a few more rows to be completed. Nevertheless, Riku still had an hour before he was off, so h.

He continued on with his masterpiece, carefully stacking taste cup upon taste cup and just… thought of _stuff_.

It was something the man had become accustomed to as of late. He didn't really have a lot of instances in his lifetime where he could just sit down, do something mindless and think. Everything just seemed to rush right past him and render him useless and confused. It was only after moving away from Destiny Islands and into Traverse City that Riku actually have time to just _stop _and_ think_.

Think about what exactly?

Well, a lot actually. The past four years had been quite surreal. Quite frankly, Riku felt completely lost. He would remember one of his first memories— of his family and friends who were nothing but supportive during that time of chaos and confusion… that is if they were who they claimed to be. You see, due to some _unforeseen circumstances_, Riku's memory wasn't in tip top condition. He can't seem to remember things correctly. And so, he uses these '_Just Riku Time'_ moments to evaluate his life.

It wasn't really deep or epiphany-like. Just plain, simple thinking.

Like how he was surrounded by a bunch of weirdoes.

Oh, Riku didn't even know where to begin.

Well, why not start with the I-like-it-steaming-hot-slighty-insane-don't-look-at-my-scar-I-have-no-social-skills-whatsoever-leather-clad-man-that-doesn't-squeak-_because-I-grease-them_ Leon Leonhart.

…

…

Riku was pretty sure he did grease them.

The platinum blonde paused from placing another taste tester cup on his pyramid to stifle a laugh.

Leon had a funny name.

Leon _Leon_hart.

He was a stoic, dark-haired man who was freakishly tall…alright, maybe just a good head taller than Riku, but if he put his height to good use, Leon appeared to be _ever so_ intimidating.

But Riku knew better.

The man had _no_ social skills. Why, when Riku had first started working there, Leon hadn't said as much as two words to him. (Words being, "_Read this_," after throwing a hefty manual at Riku) It had taken him weeks to finish reading the damn thing since he did have other reading materials for his classes and when he had asked any questions or did something wrong, the brunette just sent him an icy glare most likely meaning, "_Read the fucking handbook you douche bag_."

So, you can say that the two were on somewhat…unfriendly grounds.

The teen leaned down and adjusted the cup he had just placed. He straightened back up to give his work of art a quick look over, nodding once in approval. He was almost done. Riku started once again on the last two rows, reminiscing on the occasion when he had an _actual conversation_ with Leon.

It had been about a month after he started working at the little café, making it the end of October— when they actually had customers. It wasn't that cold yet, so their patrons still came in regularly.

One person in particular caught both Leon and Riku's attention.

Of course they would have. This customer had only been coming by every single day for the past two weeks at 6:30 PM sharp and ordered the same beverage. The beverage itself was unique and no one, _no one_ else ordered it. Then exactly thirty minutes later, the customer would leave and so would Riku— his shift ending at 7 pm. On this one particular night, after the strange customer had left, Leon all of a sudden… spoke.

"Who do you think he is?"

Surprised, Riku looked over his shoulder while trying to hang his worker's apron, "Uhhhh…uh?"

He sadly missed the hook by a mile and dropped it on the floor instead. The green-eyed boy hadn't completely registered that it was Leon whom was talking. Riku never realized how… exotic the brunette's voice sounded.

'_What the hell...?_'

Leon looked at the boy with a sense of oddity, Riku looked like he was about to be murdered or something horrible of the sort. He cleared his throat, "I said, 'Who do you think he is?'"

The platinum blonde, regaining his composure, replied curtly, "I know what you said. I was just surprised that you're actually _talking_ to me." He turned back around and bent down to pick up his apron and continued talking, not aware of the peculiar look Leon was giving him. "I don't know. He looks suspicious to me though. He's always in a suit, a really _expensive_ looking one too. I mean, what rich dude just comes in ordering some _fruity_ low fat Strawberry Melon— _no sugar_— with _exactly_ 16 balls and a _bendy_ straw?"

Leon remained unfazed by the younger man's explanation. Riku turned around and began flapping his apron to rid the dirt and dust it had gathered, apparently not yet done talking.

"Leon, your café isn't really all that great, so I don't know why this guy would keep coming by."

This, however, did receive a reaction. Leon let out a soft grunt.

You don't usually come by a tapioca beverage shop in this district. His café was, if anything else made of _awesome_.

The silver-haired one continued, "It's like…" Riku hung his apron, this time not missing its mark, "he's…"

There was a pending silence as the silver-haired boy didn't continue, leaving Leon hanging. "He's what?"

Riku turned around slowly.

'_Oh shit…_'

He had been just talking for the _sake_ of talking. He didn't really think that Leon would actually _be listening to him_…

So what came out next was very random.

"He likes your balls."

"My balls..." the elder deadpanned.

An awkward silence drifted through like someone dropped one of those silent farts, weird and unnecessary.

"Yes."

"Hn."

More uncomfortable quietness ensued. Riku _really_ hated these moments, but he was oh-so prone to them. It was a curse! Like that one time at Kairi's samba class he—

"Are you implying something, Riku?"

Said boy blinked. Then blinked again…and then blinked a few more times for good measure. It then hit him like, _like_ a herd of thong-wearing sumo wrestlers with indigestion (which is not a pretty site folks).

"Oh God NO! N-N-Not _those_ ones! I meant, th-the tapioca _balls_!" Riku hurriedly said while pointing to said tapioca-ball-maker-thingy-majiger.

He was quite flustered to say the least. He had _just_ implied that his _boss_, the man he _worked_ for, the man who handled his _paycheck_, was…

…

…

Riku figured that calling your boss gay wasn't exactly the brightest thing to do. He was sure it was in the handbook somewhere…

Leon, however, _smirked_. Riku was becoming quite worried. Why was he smirking? Oh. He's _smirking_. That's a first, but that was really of no importance right now, the main situation at hand involved his untimely expulsion.

"Go home Riku." And with that the brunette turned back to the counter, tending to the customer who had just entered.

Right.

And that was that. Riku didn't get fired, FYI.

But after that incident, the boss and employee began communicating more often. Well, more than the first month he had worked there. No balls included.

Riku had decided that Leon wasn't _that_ bad of a person he appeared to be at first… but he was still unusual… and wore too much leather for his own good. You'd think he'd chafe.

Nevertheless, Leon Leonhart had become another member in Riku's little story.

-:-:-

After his little trip down memory lane, Riku, once again, gave his pyramid a once over. He smirked in satisfaction. One more cup to go, then his masterpiece would be complete. He reached over to grab another plastic cup but was interrupted as the front door slammed opened.

"Oi."

The guy waltzed right in, swiveling a ring of keys around his index finger. He approached the counter, eyeing the spectacle before him suspiciously.

Riku, who was in mid-reach, glanced at the boy briefly— noticing that the other boy was wearing _his_ t-shirt underneath a camouflage printed hoodie. A pair of faded jeans hanging a bit too low on his waist that was kept from sliding further down (although us fan girls wouldn't mind…) by a white belt. Upon his head was a black baseball cap with the Besaid Destiny Islanders insignia, his sandy blonde hair sticking out from underneath at varying degrees of angles. Riku wrinkled his nose and continued to grab another cup.

The newcomer tugged at his collar, muttering something along the lines of, "It's bloody hot in here or what?" in a flattering British accent.

"What are you doing here Tidus?"

"What? Can I not check up on my best chum from time to time?" Tidus said aghast and hurt, as if Riku had just stabbed him with a…spoon.

The other teen just raised an eyebrow, not amused by the fact Tidus' acting skills were horrible at the least, but that he was mildly considering stabbing the poor fool, with or without a spoon. The blonde did disturb his '_Just Riku Time_.'

Not buying the blonde's reason, Riku continued to place the last cup on top of his pyramid with ultimate concentration, ignoring the stupid faces Tidus was making while swaying around left and right. What an idiot.

His masterpiece complete, Riku turned to give the other blonde a meaningful look. He hoped to convey '_Don't give me that bullshit_.'

Tidus grinned and shrugged, "I was bored."

Yeah. That sounded about right.

Riku rolled his green sea-like eyes and then looked dead on into the baby blues of Tidus, "I thought you had a date with Mitt."

The younger one replied that it was'_not_ a date, just a plain dinner engagement' while he examined the pyramid of plastic cups closer, his hand working its way to his chin, stroking it in a thoughtful manner. Tidus looked up at Riku, who was still perched on the stool, "You, my friend, need a life."

Riku scoffed, "As if _you_ have one…" and jumped off the stool. He landed with a soft thump, giving the pyramid of cups a jolt due to his sudden movement. "Hey. Can I borrow your cell phone for a sec?"

"Sure," Tidus easily complied. He dug his hands through his roomy pockets "Ah. Here." He revealed the sexy and sleek device, the latest of the Braska products, and handed it to Riku over the counter.

"Thanks," Riku muttered while he fiddled with the cell phone and aimed the camera lens that was built into it directly at his marvelous pyramid.

_Click._

"Say," the blonde piped up, "is the old bloke around?"

"Oh, Cid…? Yeah he's in the back." Riku answered all the while not removing his eyes from the object he was holding. This thing was freaking expensive, well for someone with the wage he gets. But damn, he wanted one. The fifty plus features were so drool worthy, like the gorgeous graphics on both screens, the Qwerty keyboard for easy messaging, the mp3 player, the touch display, the 10.0-megapixel auto focus camera with flash and camcorder _and_ protective camera lens cover, the… well you get the picture.

And, it was exclusive! Damn Tidus and his hook ups.

This thing was pretty sweet.

Tidus' mouth spread into a sly grin, the silver-haired one didn't notice since he was quite preoccupied playing with one of the features, "Asleep?"

Riku's gaze shifted to the blonde, a smirk setting in. Although he knew very well what the response would be, he asked anyway.

"Why?"

The other boy's grin seemed to increase ten-fold as he leaned in closer (carefully avoiding Riku's artwork) his voice etched with playfulness, "Wouldn't it be dandy to induce a trouser twisting scheme to shove a figuratively speaking stick up someone's smelly arse?"

"Operation Piss Cid Off?"

The younger one cackled evilly (it was a bizarre sort of noiseless laugh) and made his way around the counter, "We're bloody brilliant, I tell you."

Riku chuckled as he followed Tidus into the back room. Operation P.C.O. was put into play.

It was simple really. The older man had been fast asleep in his cot-of-a-bed in the back room. The man basically lived there for goodness sakes.

It wasn't a very spacious area. There was a door to the left— the supposed broom closet— a refrigerator/freezer, a sink to wash dishes and a tabletop counter in the middle. Cid had been able to stick in a cot and a couple of shelves from God knows where, making the quarters quite cramp than it already was.

Not to mention the mountains of doohickeys and thingamabobs that occupied every possible surface. Naturally, you could not recognize these fixtures due to the excessive overload of crap that had been placed there.

There was also dim lighting, if that amounted for anything.

Riku could not even begin to decipher what the gadgets were used for or what they were for that matter. The same, however, could not be said about his companion. For Tidus Merrick, himself, was a nerd of many things.

It always astonished the young blonde how many rare and odd trinkets were kept in this small, dark room. At first he had taken Cid as some bum that wandered the streets, stealing objects and keeping it for his own possessive reasons, but after five hours of high-tailing the elder man through the crowded streets and suspicious alleyways—with Riku in tow, whining and bitching about'_how ludicrous this whole thing was_.' They had concluded that Cid was really legit, seeing as they did not witness Cid go postal and break into stores but instead paid for his items like any normal customer.

Aside from the fact that he had terrified the poor saleslady thrice and decided to beat up some guy for '_taking sneak peeks at his Dolores_.'

Who is Dolores you might ask…? Well, one would have to know the complex being that is Cid.

Cid is very much attached to his Dolores, namely the toaster that he is practically married to—you know what, never mind.

That was beside the point; the point was that the boys had to be very, very careful as to not knock something over in the process of crossing the room and wake up the gruff, old man. No big. It was quite an obtainable feat, considering all it took was what… five steps?

Once they reached the slumbering figure, his Dolores placed on a stool within arms reach— his beloved's electrical cord resting in his hands near his heart— Riku and Tidus couldn't help but give each other an incredulous look before quietly bursting into fits of laughter.

Cid was always an odd one, Riku had figured. The man came out in his underpants, scratching his very unattractive pot belly for the world to see disgustingly often. Riku often had to apologize to the customers for the trauma that would haunt their minds forever and a day.

_If_ that wasn't enough to convince one that Cid was _seriously_, quite _very strange_, then finding out that the stocky blonde liked to sleep while sporting a pair of ridiculously large and outdated bright orange goggles might do the job.

Because he was doing that now.

"Wha-_what_ is that contraption?!" Tidus managed to say in between his huffs of quiet laughter.

About right now, the two boys were trying to catch their breath. They needed the oxygen to circulate to be able to think and all. After a few more chuckles— not giggles because giggling was a girly thing to do— and a minute later, the pair of juveniles composed themselves.

Pointing at the _interesting_ spectacles, the silver-haired male put in his two cents, "I think he made those," with a hint of amusement still in his voice.

There was a mischievous twinkle in Tidus' eyes, Riku noted. Or perhaps it was from the swinging lamp over there…

Any who, the next thing he knew was that the younger blonde was holding out a bucket of paint and a paintbrush towards him that had magically appeared.

Riku silently debated whether Tidus was…… _magical_.

"Where did you get those?"

"I'm magical."

"Fuck you."

Tidus one just gave him a cheeky grin. Far too cheeky a grin to be anything good.

"Well, Riku, since you being the wonderful artist that you are, I believe that, in the best interest of the _stunning_ Dolores here, that _you_ do the utmost honors in beatifying said beauty and her knight in shining armor with this here pail of goop. _What say you_?"

Tidus always did have a way with words. It irked him so.

Grabbing the paintbrush, Riku turned to the unconscious _knight_ who was emitting a horrid snore. His peripheral vision allowed him to see Tidus Merrick seizure with soundless laughter.

It was weird.

But it was time to get down to business.

To defeat the atrocious tackiness that is Cid.

-:-:-

Leon emerged from his broo— _office_, after completing his daily accounting. He was in a foul mood, the checkbook was not looking too good. Not good at all. His lips pursed into a frown when he was greeted by the mad giggles of two _immature men._

"…" he scowled and snorted then headed out to the front.

_Obviously_ no one was manning the till. Leon made note to deduct Riku Akemi for taking unnecessary breaks. Seriously, he had no idea as to _why_ he hired him in the first place. Leon just wanted some decent help in the café and lo-and-behold, Riku was dumped on him.

If it was possible, Leon glowered even more when his steel-grey eyes met _his taste testing cups_.

Yes, _someone's_ paycheck was going to suffer tremendously.

"… Riku," the brunette snarled.

"Huh?"

He didn't even hear the door open.

Startled, Leon turned around. Speaking of the devil and his lackey, the latter still giggling like a nutty fan girl.

"Oi. Leonhart—" Tidus paused.

Said man was sending his mighty glare that could possibly make professional wrestlers cower in their spandex, that could extinguish the damn twinkling eyes of Albus Dumbledore, that could make little children cry their eyes out until it was red, swollen, and dry… to only cry again about how their eyes hurt.

But this is _Tidus_ we're talking about.

He proceeded to babble on, swinging an arm over the brunette's broad shoulders, which proved quite difficult since Leon was, ahem, _freakishly tall_.

"Leonhart, you seem to be a tad peeved," he made a gesture with his free hand, "What is it that my wonderful self and good ole Riku here could do to be graced by that devilish smile of yours."

Tidus could be so full of bullshit sometimes. Leon shrugged the other's arm off and put a considerable amount of distance between them.

The grin that was plastered on Riku's face minutes ago faltered.

His attention was brought to his masterpiece. That was probably the reason why his boss was acting moody.

Riku assured Leon that he would clean it up, and began to do so. Of course, Leon just huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Your paycheck…" Leon started.

The silver headed one at once perked up and paused in his attempt to tidy up, "This Friday, right?"

Riku was delighted, he was ecstatic! He would be receiving his paycheck soon, and be able to buy that book he had his eyes on since last week! '_Yen Sid's Guide to Reading Your Future in the Stars_' was hardbound and rather pricey.

Leon held in a frustrated moan and refrained from the palm of his hand meeting his forehead. He had forgotten that Riku could be completely _charming_.

The other was beaming at him him an unbearably charismatic look. As if he had just approved of buying the younger man a little wittle puppy. Leon was vaguely wondering if Riku was aware of what he was doing.

He looked away, "Of course…"

Riku let out a satisfied '_hm_' and continued with his activity of cleaning up, a bit more chipper than before.

"Great. Now Leonhart, since you're in such a giving mood and all that jazz with sprinkles," Tidus wistfully said and swung his arm around Leon's shoulders (once again), "Why not let Riku out a bit earlier, eh?"

Leon evaluated his options.

He could suffer their company until Riku's shift ended in around thirty minutes…

Or he could just be rid of them for the day…

It was pretty obvious which he would choose.

"Whatever."

With that, the youngest of the three announced he'd wait for Riku outside since, "It's absurdly sizzling in here. _Jeez_ Leonhart, do you ever fucking chill. I cannot begin to comprehend how the hell you survive with your leather fetish in here. Can you control your fucking sweat?!"

As he made his way out, another blonde man entered. His hair more intense, freaking gravity defying man, and more of a sunshine kind of blonde, than the golden blonde doof we all so love.

He was wearing a suit and a pair of snazzy Ray Bands…

…it was cloudy outside.

Before the door shut, however, Tidus was mouthing back to his companions, "_S-T-A-L-K-E-R._" And was seen peering in through the windows a second later.

"Go home Riku." Leon whispered.

Not at all done with the taster cups, Riku thought it was best if he did so. His boss was clearly in an awful disposition. He didn't want to stick around longer anyway, "Sure, see you tomorrow."

Riku hung his work apron and headed on out, not before eying the particular customer who could be found a rather number of times as the topic of the conversation. Once he stepped out of the little café, the silver-haired man was suddenly bitten by the drastic change in temperature, he had goose bumps right away.

"Oh man. I forgot my jacket inside," Riku mumbled as he joined Tidus near the window, rubbing his arms for warmth. Served him right for wearing a _sleeveless black knit top_ during winter. He popped the collar of his shirt so that it would at least protect his neck from the cold gust, and shoved his hands in his jean pockets.

Riku peered in as well.

"What did they say?"

The older one looked away towards the streets and replied quite melancholy with, "I don't know."

"Riku, I'm pretty bloody sure that Leonhart will not slice your ears off for _accidentally_ listening in on their little chat," the all-knowing Tidus Merrick pointed out as he too stuck his hands into his hoodie pockets. It was getting chilly.

"Oh sorry, let me go back in and _accidentally listen_ in on their discussion, your Majesty." Riku bowing as he said so.

"Bugger, it doesn't suit you to be sarcastic…" Tidus replied and took one last peek into Café There.

Leon was smiling.

-:-:-

It was slick.

It was alluring.

It was downright drop dead gorgeous.

And to think, the beauty in front of him belonged to none other than Tidus. Riku cursed the other one silently. '_Damn Tidus! Damn Tidus and his damn connections. And his damn flippy hair. And his damn accent_...'

"Oi, what has got your knickers in a twist?" said the owner of the Lamborghini Gallardo SE with four wheel drive, an engine that offers an acceleration of 4.0 seconds from 0 to 100kmh with a top speed of 315km, a direct and precise steering that will better enhance handling, specially designed Callisto rims for more ambitious driving, a two-color exterior of yellow coupled with Nero Noctis black. And that was what was only on the _outside_. Now _inside_ was just as drool-worthy. What with the handcrafted leather trim and stitching, and a rear-view camera which was hooked up with the built-in multi-media screen, and _shit_… The SE stood for _Special Edition_ for goodness sakes!

"Nothing…" Riku thought, '_I wish I was just as loaded as you._'

The younger man clucked his tongue, "Sure, what ever you say."

Riku crossed his arms across his chest trying to make it look like he was not offended in any way when in reality, he was actually trying to keep warm. It was seriously turning too cold for his tastes.

Tidus continued, "So. I've got to pick up Selphie, want me to drop you off before I do so?" As tempting as it sounded, he shook his silver head from side to side and said, "I'll be alright." Their apartment complex was just a few blocks away.

Not convinced, Tidus let out a little 'tch' sound and took off his hoodie, holding it out towards his companion. "You're delusional for wearing _just that_ when clearly it is glacial out here."

That wasn't fair. Had Tidus forgotten that he worked for Leon. _Leon_ who put the heater on _full blast_, not caring if his _employees_ turned into roasted human-mallows! That's the only reason he wore sleeveless shirts to work really.

"Tidus, you don't have to. I'm fine, really." Riku reluctantly said and pushed away the source that _would have_ kept him warm.

The shorter one, only by a couple of inches really, slammed the hoodie into Riku's chest and held it there, "Just take the bloody thing."

"Okay, okay," Riku snapped as he took the damn thing and Tidus backed off.

"Jeez, I didn't know you'd be oh-so concerned about my welfare. Don't worry, Riks" Tidus voiced out as he walked around his car to the driver's side, "I have my _baby_ here to keep me warm." The blonde winked.

Riku wasn't impressed. He had half the mind to throw the accursed jacket at him right now. But the other half told him to put it on because it was freezing cold. Decisions, decisions…

Tidus got into his _baby_ (why does that sound so wrong?) and a beat later the engine roared.

"Damn Tidus," the silver haired one mumbled as he slipped the hoodie on. It was just slightly fit but it couldn't be helped. Tidus was a bit smaller built than him, which was _actually unbe-fucking-lievable_.

Unlike _Riku_ who went to Herc's Olymporium to exercise and stay somewhat fit, and even so, he was only able to go when his schedule permitted so…

Here comes bloody freaking Tidus Merrick.

That man did _nothing_ to keep in shape. The flippant blonde basically sat on his fat ass all day with his eyes glued to the 46" LCD television screen (either watching the latest development of Seifer and his suppressed feelings for his rival in Twilight Spot or defeating the newest Nobody Warriors 4 Limited Edition on expert mode).

And _yet_ he could most likely bench press _just as much_ as Riku could. It did not make any _sense_. No sense at all!

Tidus was like… like handed his life on a luxurious diamond encrusted platter, with orchestral music playing in the background and flamenco dancers all around, and big balloon animals! Can't forget those…

Tidus Merrick had the _perfect life_.

During high school, he was quite popular. Everyone wanted to be his friend. He was a hoot to hang out with. He was good-looking and surprisingly intelligent. His dad is the Vice President of one of the largest electronic corporations, B&JPros (which stands for Braska and Jecht Products) located in the busy city of Luca. His mother is a therapist/ famous day-time talk show host on one of the highest rated television channels in the UK.

He was rolling in cash! It was as if he was a _prince_.

And yet after graduating from high school and declining his parents' wish for him to enter a very prestigious university back in his homeland, here was Tidus roomed with him in an ordinary apartment building on an ordinary street in an ordinary looking city.

Because that was all Riku _could_ afford.

Kairi had told him before that he and Tidus didn't get along too well before the accident. They barely tolerated each other in their group. But it seemed Tidus had a change of heart.

Why..?

Well, Riku wasn't too sure exactly.

If anything, Riku was jealous and annoyed of the other man. But even if Riku dished out the harshest insults he could, Tidus just _wouldn't go away_.

"OI." Tidus yelled. He had rolled down the passenger window and was now peering at the scowling face of Riku.

"What?" Riku grunted.

"Don't think too much. You might hurt what's left of your brain."

The silver-haired one let out a sharp exhale and shoved his hands in the hoodie's pockets. He turned to Tidus with a bored expression as if to tell the blonde one to hurry up with what he wants to say.

He did just that.

"That's right," he said grinning like a mad man, "There's a little surprise for you back home."

Tidus didn't even give Riku a chance to reply for he winked and sped off into the distance almost running over the local street bum.

'_What an asshole_,' Riku thought.

He started in the opposite direction. A small smile lit his face.

-:-:-

Leon hated to admit it… but the man had style.

The man who stood before him was dressed in a black O-Eleven brand suit, with slightly visible pinstripes on the length of it. He had on a pair of brand name pointed dress shoes, by SNymf. The dress shirt he wore underneath looked to be as soft as silk, which it probably was, had a much deeper taint of blue compared to his already very blue eyes. The pair of shades he wore when he entered was placed a top his blonde… _floofy_ hair.

His hair just killed his style.

It was the classic case of mismatch. You'd look at one person and say, 'hey, they don't look too bad…' but then you keep looking and see something totally wrong that just downright _kills_ the look. It's like, 'Dude, hello? If you want to look good then _do it right_ for fuck's sake!'

That's what Leon was feeling about right now. But of course, he discreetly showed such annoyance. He _patiently_ waited for the customer to order. An emotionless façade on, his arms across his chest, and right foot tapping against the wooded floor…

Anyone could tell that Leon was not a people person… And in this case, he did not like this people person.

He could see Riku and Tidus milling about outside. Couldn't they just _leave_.

'_Patience Leon,__patience_…'

The blonde customer squinted and bit his bottom lip as he further examined the menu hanging up above…

'_As if that would help_,' Leon ridiculed, in his mind that is. His _patience_ was running thin. This floofy-haired goof bag would end up ordering the same thing anyways! He has been for the _past few weeks_…

And finally, after what seemed like a million decades and 2 minutes later, cerulean eyes looked into Leon's stormy grey ones, a small smile on the customer's face appeared.

'_Yeah, yeah. Strawberry melon low fat no sugar balls bendy three ninety-nine_...' the brunette thought wryly. But how ironic was it that Leon conjured up all he had to make a _decent_ helpful remark accompanied with employee smile.

"What would you like, sir?" Leon said as he grabbed a plastic cup and was ready to write down what he'd _been writing down for the_ _past few weeks_.

"Caramel Cream with Hazelnut."

"Right. Strawbe—" he started to scribble, but stopped soon enough.

Had he heard wrong? No, no, no! He was sure that, the man who had been coming in and ordering the _same damn drink_ just said something else. Didn't he…? Leon looked up and stared at the blonde for a moment. In return, the blonde customer raised an eyebrow and stared back.

"You ordered something different." Leon stated, looking like he didn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. The other man just nodded once and continued to look at Leon as if he was, well, crazy.

If Leon was not having a mini inner freak-out session, then he probably would have been amused by the blonde man nervously smiling back at him.

"I figured I'd try something new. Everything on your menu seems… interesting."

Leon was brought back to reality.

Okay, folks, if there was anything that could get through to the ice cold Leon Leonhart's heart, it would be complimenting his splendid café.

And the other man just did so… Leon couldn't help but give a little smirk.

But this_ didn't_ mean he _liked_ this person any much more. He still didn't like Sunshine's floofy hair and all.

-:-:-

"WHAT THE—"

_Bang bang clanga bang bing bing bong pew pew_.

The back door ripped right open revealing a huffy red-faced baboon sporting a quite ill-looking toaster under his pits.

…

Dot, dot, dot indeed.

Leon stared at Cid. The sunshine man stared at Cid, then at Leon and back to Cid. And Cid… well, if he could stare he wouldn't stare. He'd probably tell them to _fuck off_ and go on his merry way.

Because that's how Cid rolls.

Leon was the first to speak after the potty-mouth-grease-loving-loony-blonde's entrance, "…Cid. What…happened…" If anyone was paying attention to Leon at the moment, then they would have noticed the vein throbbing on his forehead. But no one would want to, for fear of being accused at staring at the brunette's scar which would lead to execution… after severe torture.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS GODDAMN RIKU?"

Some might cower at the sight that was unfolding before Leon and Sunshine. But really, who could do anything _but_ laugh their ass off at Cid wearing a ridiculous pair of funkified goggles— _swirly eyes_ painted evenly on each of the lens, rendering his sight useless. Not to mention Cid had developed a red nose, as well as red cheeks and well, it was quite hard to tell _what else_ was painted red, for it blended very nicely with the red anger that Cid was putting on.

He really did look like a red-faced baboon…

But it did not end just there. There were markings all over his body. All the way to his toes, save for the area that Cid's trousers covered up.

Then there was poor Dolores… Poor, poor Dolores. It wouldn't even be right to _go there_. Let us just say, that Cid in his undergarments looked at least a bit civilized.

Sunshine leaned in and whispered (trying very hard to contain his amusement) to Leon, "Is this part of the menu?"

Leon groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

What did a man have to do to get some peace and quiet?

-:-:-

If Riku had anything to brag about, it would be that he was remarkable at multi-tasking. He hummed as he fiddled with the keys to his door while holding a large bouquet of flowers (compliments to the flower lady who he usually chatted with on his way back home), biting down on the handles of a Chinese baggie that contained his dinner for the next few nights (Mushu's Wushu was rather affordable) and playing level fourteen of Tetris (he had forgotten to return Tidus' cell after taking a picture earlier).

He entered the apartment and was halfway to the kitchen, when his eyes caught a glimpse of something and he paused. He walked a bit closer to get a better look and promptly dropped everything he was holding onto. Riku was very, _very_ surprised.

If it wasn't for the fact that Riku's left eye grew twice its size while his right did a sort of spazzy twitch or that his mouth was opening and closing doing a great imitation of a fish out of water or that his hands were violently convulsing… then the chow mien sauce dripping down his pants and noodles wrapped around his toes made this whole situation priceless.

Was _this_ Tidus' _surprise_?!

_Pleeeeeeeeease ooooooohhhh baaaaaaaaby, don't go_

Tidus' cell phone was ringing.

-:-:-

_**Insert review(s) to continue…?**_


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